Just wow

What happened today was just... Heartbreaking? Epiphanic? I don't know, but what I do know is that I think about it now just right after having dinner and it kind of makes me sick to my guts. Should I be sad or thankful that such a mistake would confirm my suspicions? And for it to happen not only once but twice in the same short period of time was just too much. The funny part? How everyone came to the rescue for the mistake. Even the feeling of surprise was battling with the sadness and the anger, because in such situation you still have a minimal hope that your speculations are just that, speculations, but having such a moment of realization, so sudden, so raw, so hurtful, did actually surprise me quite a bit.

What do I have to think now? How are they going to look at me in the face? How am I going to look at their faces?

I tried to respond and confront what happened, but there came again the restrain to actually answer how I should and have the right to answer, only because of that little fear of letting behind something I thought, until recently, was a nice friendship. Something is already broken and knowing me and how I react to people who really really hurt me, it's something that is going to take a long time to heal. I'll still hang out (I actually agreed to a hang out tomorrow -funny how that was the start of this mess-), but will my heart be actually there? I don't even know why I agreed, I have so much stuff to do for college, and being totally honest, I really don't have any will to go. I guess I'll just stay for a few hours and that's it, I don't care if I have to come back home alone.

I tried to confront it in the chillest way possible, because that's how I am, but I'm getting tired of all of this, specially after today.

I didn't believe any of their words. And even if they were true, there's a crack in the trust already.

Just in case: Hello there, enjoying the reading? Yes, you, the one that is part of this group and story. Please, don't be shy and leave a comment, just confirm another of my suspicions already, I had that feeling for a long time now, it would be nice to finally have a confirmation for this too :)